GOP Vixen

Rebuilding Iraq, Part Three

In previous segments of the GOP Vixen Plan for Rebuilding and Revitalization of Iraq, we covered bringing Wal-Mart and reality television to the country. This step is also applicable to Afghanistan.

Step Three: The power of eBay can enliven the third-world. When I first became addicted to this bastion of capitalism, I noticed how many countries had sellers offering native crafts and other items, particularly from Asia; however, not exactly a flow of biddable goods from Afghanistan or Iraq. But since there's not exactly a strong flow of tourists bounding through the countryside, what better way for natives to reap the ten American dollars for something that it took ten American cents to make? Equip villages with a computer and Internet access, set up a postal system, appoint eBay elders to help oversee the operation.

These countries need to capitalize on Westerners’ obsessive desire for the exotic. Take a look, for example, at Mexico. Sellers are lined up near the cruise-ship ports just waiting to siphon off tourists’ dollars. When you engage in customary bargaining, they respond, “I make no profit,” which roughly translates to “Cough it up, cheap American!” This economic dance results in the item selling at a price that brings the seller at least five times what it took to produce. The buyer ends his weeklong trip of the coast with a cabin full of sombreros, fuzzy bull banks and Corona T-shirts, and has stimulated the Mexican economy through his pursuit of ethnic treasures. Let Iraqi and Afghan sellers throw their goods on eBay, and they can laugh all the way to the bank as buyers fight over Babylonian knick-knacks.

On the air

Tomorrow -- Friday, April 1 -- at 7:05 p.m. Pacific time, I'm scheduled to join host Rob Breakenridge for a phone interview on "The World Tonight" to discuss my most recent Opinion Journal column, "Red Dusk." Broadcast out of Calgary, Alberta, the interview can be heard worldwide on the Internet at www.am770chqr.com. Tune in if you dare!

Berger fries

God, I've been waiting forever to use that headline. The Associated Press reports that Clinton's former national security adviser will plead guilty to snagging classified documents from the National Archives, an incident that raised eyebrows a few months before the presidential election and generated countless jokes based on where he stuffed the documents. The plea agreement, if approved, means he'd serve no jail time, pay a $10,000 fine, have his security clearance removed for three years,  and be barred from wearing pants or socks in government buildings. OK, maybe not the last part...

What's in a name?

Some readers have asked me what's behind the name GOP Vixen. The dictionary defines "vixen" as a female fox or a shrew, ill-tempered woman. Which am I? The brat side of me likes to say "both," but the truth isn't quite so well defined. GOPvixen has been my screen name ever since I started using the Internet years ago, and when I picked it I just thought it was funny, as I rather despise the stodgy stereotype of political conservatives. But foxes also have cool personality characteristics such as being clever and sly, and nowadays the fox takes on a whole new meaning with the success of conservative-friendly Fox News. So when I named my blog, I knew there was no other name to pick. May GOP Vixen become a household name, reviled in those really leftist households!

And to clear up a matter of some confusion: I am not this Bridget Johnson. I am a career journalist, not a film producer. Though I don't mind people confusing me with a Golden Globe winner, something tells me she may not like being confused with a conservative columnist.

Fade to red

Thanks to all for the overwhelming response to Wednesday's Opinion Journal column "Red Dusk: It's time Hollywood gave up its love affair with communism." I woke up to a very full inbox this morning, and heard so much intelligent, thoughtful feedback it's unreal. I'd also like to welcome new readers to this blog, and invite you to regularly visit and comment on the silly and the serious.

Many letters were mulling a paragraph in my column regarding "The Killing Fields" as a feature film that shows the true nature of communism, but "not much else springs to mind that could counter the effects of pro-Marxist cinema." Readers were quick to offer suggestions that included little-known and foreign films that have aptly tackled the subject of communism, and a few mentioned the Bolsheviks in "Doctor Zhivago." Others mentioned were "One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich" (1970), "Chekist," (1992), "East-West" (1999) and "Burnt by the Sun" (1994). "The Red Violin" (1998) was mentioned as a film that touched on China's cultural revolution; to this I would add "Farewell My Concubine" (1993). I would also add "Kundun" (1997) and "The Last Emperor," but if one was sympathetic to communism the "Last Emperor" plot could be interpreted as some sort of appropriate punishment for a spoiled emperor.

What I would love to see is a mainstream, big-budget, epic film about the toll of communism with the impact of "Braveheart," performances as strong as Djimon Hounsou in "Amistad,"  the superb direction of "Schindler's List." My first choice would be a film about the Tiananmen Square massacre (the events were a huge influence in my youth), but I can't think of any studio that would want to take the risk of angering China.

Rebuilding Iraq, Part Two

Yesterday, I pitched the introduction of Wal-Mart in the GOP Vixen Plan for Rebuilding and Revitalization of Iraq.

Step Two: Introduce reality TV to the masses. Many Westerners would say that this had led to the decline of civilization, but good can be achieved through its effective use as a tool of mass distraction. Right now, Al-Jazeera is the hottest ticket on TV. And with the daily news comes a hefty daily helping of propaganda that serves to undermine the war effort: Top story, America the oppressors. Next up, American flag burning with a side of roadside bombs. After the break, today’s beheading with Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Stay tuned for the checkpoint suicide bombing and an update on Zionist oppressors.

But imagine a slate of programming to counter this diet of mayhem and martyrdom. Basic human nature is the same across the globe, and reality TV would hypnotically suck viewers from Al-Jazeera with offerings such as the talent competition “Iraqi Idol” and the reality classic “Survivor: Sadr City.” Rather than having their minds scarred from watching real heads roll on Al-Jazeera, families can gather around the tube to watch Simon Cowell lop off a few egos. Gradually, militant rallies turn to water-cooler talk of who the Iraqi “Bachelor” will eliminate in the next palm-frond ceremony -- and if, unlike Americans on “The Bachelor,” he can actually make the relationship last.

Jesse the sequel

Posters here have made very good points, asking why Jesse Jackson waited until the 11th hour to show up and help the Schindlers, and whether he's just there to mug for the cameras. I, myself, have been trying to figure out why he decided to show up for this since the moment he flew down to Florida -- after all, Al Sharpton loves the cameras too, but wouldn't come down. Are all of Jackson's motives sincere? Probably not. However, he has made a career of drawing up partisan and racial lines, and his presence in Florida has actually countered some of the partisan overtones of the Schiavo case.

But what about the cause? Jackson is saying that depriving Terri Schiavo of life is wrong. It's a civil rights issue, he says. True. So are other life issues.

The Life Education and Resource Network, which focuses on abortion and the black community, gives some interesting Jackson quotes (here) before he flip-flopped on the abortion issue. Does this Schiavo support show some new interest in Jackson's part on life issues? We'll see if Jackson ever rallies against the fact that if it weren't for Roe v. Wade, the African-American community would be 35% larger than it is today. That three-quarters of Planned Parenthood clinics are located in minority communities. That Margaret Sanger's Negro Project specifically targeted the black community.

Muslims on the march

Free Muslims Against Terrorism is holding a march against terrorism and in support of freedom and democracy in Washington, D.C., on May 14 from 1 p.m to 5 p.m. in Freedom Plaza. The group is billing it as the first Muslim and Middle Eastern march of its kind in D.C. Not only is everyone welcome, but the group is seeking endorsements and sponsors to spread the word.

Note to Homeland Security: Don't freak when you see Arabs and Muslims amassing in D.C. that day.

Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex

Now that I've got your attention, that brings us to another point in the Terri Schiavo case.

I've heard several folks -- pundits, bloggers, columnists -- muse on whether Michael Schiavo should be chastized for having taken another woman and having a couple of kids while his brain-damaged wife lay in a hospice. After all, how could he go so long without intimacy and sex? He's only a flesh-and-blood man, after all!

It's nice to know there's so many virile men out there, but there are a few reasons why this argument doesn't jive. First of all, the primal-need-for-sex element. Yes, sex is fabulous and everybody loves it. However, nobody has ever self-combusted from not having it, no matter how much it might feel like one will. If Schiavo truly loved his wife, his fidelity would come before his desires. Unfair? Sure, 15-plus years of celibacy may sound horrid, but he willingly took a vow when he got married to remain faithful.

Another part of those vows is to take care of each other in sickness and in health. The health chapter of life is the fun part, but those marriage bonds mean that you're around for the sickness as well -- whether it's the common cold or Alzheimer's -- and you continue to love your mate through it all.

So, say Schiavo didn't want to stick around, that his manly manly needs outweighed his vows. There's a little procedure that's rather quick -- six months or so -- and painless: You fill out a form, take it down to the courthouse, plunk down some cash, and wait for a judge to rubber-stamp it. It's called a divorce, and half of marriages end in them. Piece o' cake!

Which is more cruel to do to Terri: cut loose and move on, leaving her in the custody of her very doting parents; or claiming to still love your disabled wife as you've been cheating on her for a decade (oh, and fighting to starve her)?

Jesse's girl

Now, I'm not a fan of the Rev. Jesse Jackson -- "Hymietown," anyone? -- but I have to give the man props for showing up at the deathbed of Terri Schiavo and trying to assist her parents in the fight to save her life. This is a civil-rights issue -- the rights of the disabled, the rights of a married woman, the rights of Catholics or any other faith not to be forced to do something against their religion. And Jesse calls himself a civil-rights activist, and here he is.

According to The New York Times, the Schindlers invited Jackson down to Florida after seeing him criticize the removal of Terri's feeding tube on TV. They first invited Al Sharpton, but he turned the family down. Did he, um, have something more important to do?

Incidentally, the reverend's son, Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., was one of eight members of the Congressional Black Caucus who pushed through the controversial legislation allowing the Schindlers to take their pleas to federal court. Amen!