GOP Vixen

Bridget's favorite things!

Every year, to kick off the holiday season, Oprah Winfrey unveils her favorite things in barely watchable, screamfest show. For a right-wing twist on the topic, GOP Vixen unveils Bridget's Favorite Things, a collection of cool items presented without the audience freebies and the hyperventilating. Because I believe that we have a responsibility to share our talents with the world -- and one of mine is shopping!

Since this blog has a lot of male readers, I initially considered compiling a list of cool gifts that women really like: cashmere, fragrance, lingerie, etc. But I realized that effort would be useless if a man is dating or married to a Complainer. The Complainer responds poorly to nearly any gift: "Cashmere makes me itch." "Chanel No. 5 makes me sneeze." "You want me to wear what from Victoria's Secret?" No man can win gift-shopping for a Complainer.

So instead, Bridget's Favorite Things is a unisex gift list -- politically tinged, of course. (Do you think it's a coincidence that Santa wears red instead of blue?)

Hugo Chavez action figure

This doll -- reportedly a hot mall item in Venezuela -- is a wonder, because the face looks more George Hamilton than Hugo Chavez, and the svelte, nipped-in waist makes the body more Oscar de la Hoya than Hugo. Press a button, and it spews Hugospeak. Red or green jacket, perfect for Christmas! And in true capitalist fashion, a Venezuelan dealer is selling them online for more than they're worth.
Price: $40 (plus obscene shipping costs)

Che-Mart T-shirts

The best clothing choices for the discerning capitalist this Christmas. I particularly enjoy the one with the Che "quote" that reads: "My ultimate goal as a socialist revolutionary was to have my face plastered on the t-shirts of rich white kids."
Price: $16.99 and $17.99

Kim Jong Il's Gift Shop

In the mood for a DVD of Kim's 60th birthday party? Or how about crashing a peacenik rally with a CD of the North Korean Army chorus in your boom box? For the kiddies, there's this charming video collection of North Korean cartoons with a warm, fuzzy critter toting a bazooka (no doubt pointed at the U.S.). Downside: Anyone who gives their Visa number to the DPRK has to be certifiably insane.
Price: Everything's in Euros. I have no clue.

Hillary Clinton cat toy

Fat Cat cat toys are highly durable -- my cat's had the Bill Clinton toy for a few years now -- and available at most pet stores. If you can't find the Hillary toy to get immense enjoyment from watching Fluffy drag it to the litterbox, you can order the Political Animals series online. The set includes Hillary, Arnold Schwarzenegger and George W. Bush. Just don't let the cat drool on Dubya.
Price: $17.95 for set of three

Ayatollah Khomeini dartboard

Particularly useful if Mahmoud Ahmedinejad is on your Christmas list this year! Comes with six steel-tip darts. Dartboard 411 also offers the Saddam Hussein version, Osama bin Laden and Yasser Arafat. But with the current goings-on in Iran, I'm liking the ayatollah. Very classic.
Price: $29.95

I (Heart) Neocons Tee

Is this from my own store? By golly gee, it is! Damn that self-promotion! But let's face it -- unisex T-shirts just don't fit women right. So the designs here -- also including "talk GOP to me" -- not only come in unisex designs but women's babydoll T-shirts, hoodies, camis, junior raglans, etc. Designs also come on mousepads, mugs, stickers and more.
Price: $21.99 (for pictured shirt; other item prices vary)

Animated Clinton doll

Yeah, Bill's become pretty passe, but you may want to have this on hand if he becomes U.N. Secretary-General. It's 12 inches tall, moves his mouth and turns his head, and says several classic quotes including "I'm just trying to suppress my natural impulses and get back to work" and "You know, if I were a single man I would ask that mummy out; that's a good looking mummy." Plus the doll is suitably creepy looking. And because he's passe, the doll's on sale!
Price: $19.99

Fidel Castro voodoo doll

Try tossing it down a short flight of stairs and see what happens! The company also has a variety of other political figures, activists, celebs and more. The Fidel character is one of the better ones, complete with cigar and a beard that looks as if living things are nesting within.
Price: $7.95

The People's Cube store

There are too many designs to mention here, but my favorite has to be "The problems we face will never be solved by vapid clichés found on dumb-ass  liberal bumper stickers." (And T-shirts, coffee mugs...) Perhaps put this bumpersticker into a Christmas -- er, Holiday -- card to your fave lefty?
Price: $6.99

Silvio Berlusconi's love songs

What could possibly put you and your loved one in the mood more than a serenade from former cruise-ship crooner and current Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi? He released his first album, "Meglio na Canzone," two years ago, but I can't find a copy anywhere on the Internet (apparently, it wasn't a hit). But according to the above linked Daily Telegraph article, Silvio hopes to have the sequel out by Christmas. So keep an ear out!
Price: Priceless

Scooter Libby's dirty book

What could possibly ruin the mood more than reading "The Apprentice: A Novel" in front of that roaring fire? (Really, guys, just go to Victoria's Secret instead...)
Price: $10.36 on Amazon. Ask for plain brown wrapper.

UPDATE: Welcome National Review readers! Be sure to also check out Bridget's Favorite Things: The Nonpartisan Version.

Lesson to anti-war activists: Terrorists hate you as much as they hate 'warmongers'

Al-Jazeera aired a video of four hostages -- one Brit, one American, two Canadians -- released by a group calling themselves the Swords of the Righteous Brigade, whose Handycam-ish date stamp indicates lower production value than the newly PR-slick al-Qaida. More from Al-Jazeera:

"... The group ... said the four were spies working undercover as Christian peace activists.

... Christian Peacemaker Teams issued a statement on Tuesday confirming that the four men were associated with their organisation.

The group said it has had a team in Iraq since October 2002, working with US and Iraqi detainees and training others in nonviolent intervention and human rights documentation.

... The organisation said it ‘does not advocate the use of violent force to save our lives should we be kidnapped, held hostage, or caught in the middle of a conflict situation‘.”

Yeah, let's see how well the campfire/kumbaya approach works.

A check of CPT's Web site -- the group bills itself as "committed to reducing violence by 'getting in the way'" -- reveals where they assess blame (and the Swords of the Righteous Brigade can breathe a sigh of relief):

"... We are angry because what has happened to our teammates is the result of the actions of the U.S. and U.K. governments due to the illegal attack on Iraq and the continuing occupation and oppression of its people."

(GROAN)

What has happened is the result of Islamofacism exploding unchecked because your ilk are so eager to accept the al-Zarqawis of the world that you don't recognize that they want you just as dead as the next Westerner.

Heads and tales

The highlights and lowlights of the headlines for November 30, 2005:

• MI5 foil missile attack on jet, Daily Mirror -- Asian man from East London purportedly was planning "Christmas bomb blitz." Al-Qaida sympathizer who officially goes on the "naughty" list.
• Syria undermining UN probe, Reuters -- Lebanese Druze leader is acusing Syria of trying to destabilize Lebanon to undermine the inquiry, and of trying to bruise the investigator's credibility. I don't know where the Druze got the idea... it's so unlike Syria to cause mischief...
• Peres to back Sharon's party, Al-Jazeera -- Or so says Israeli TV... Shimon was at a soccer match. Perhaps kicking around the idea in his head.
• Cowell Stays on 'Idol' After Suit Settled, AP -- Good. There's really no reason to watch "American Idol" except for Simon Cowell's comments.
• USA executes its citizens every ten days, Pravda -- Might want to sub the word "criminals" for "citizens," ya think?
• Cocaine in Jacko's pants, Sun UK -- Probe also suspects Wacko Jacko of transporting drugs from California to Bahrain!

Is a sequel in store?

Hollywood saves Christmas?

It goes without saying that not everyone in Hollywood is Christian, or even ascribes to a religion. But as PC manger-tree battles unfold across the country, let's note that on Sunday -- for the 74th year -- a million spectators lined Hollywood and Sunset boulevards to watch the Hollywood Christmas Parade. Not the Hollywood Holiday Parade, not the Hollywood Seasonal Parade. CHRISTMAS!

According to the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, the parade got its official name in the late '70s. Before that, it was the Santa Claus Lane Parade. AOL's City Search guide is calling it the "Hollywood Spectacular," but I saw no mention of that as an official name in any press reports or parade materials.

Will it always be about Christmas? I don't think Honorary Mayor Johnny Grant would have it any other way.

But one sad bit of news this year is that this was Grant's last time organizing the parade after 26 years at the helm. He plans to hand the reins over to younger organizers with more vitality (hey, the guy's 82) and hopefully they'll keep the spirit -- and name -- the same. Grant stepped down from the helm to spend more time on other projects, like chairing the Walk of Fame Selection Committee and being there for every star. I can pretty much guarantee he wasn't forced out of the parade position, or Hollywood would have rioted. WWII vet Grant, by the way, organized L.A.'s huge "Welcome Home Desert Storm" parade and is a strong supporter of our Armed Forces. (Do take the time to read about this amazing, great American at his site here.)

From all accounts, Grant went out with a bang with another fabulous Hollywood Christmas Parade. No one loves Hollywood more than Grant, and Hollywood loves no living soul more than Grant. And at least this year, who knew that Tinseltown would show everyone else that you can celebrate the "C" word without sparking an atheist tizzy?

Please put this on American TV!!

Whichever network airs the Saddam trial as the next best reality show will have a huge hit on its hands. Seeing the pictures of Saddam putting on a show in the courtroom yesterday was better than seeing the deposed dictator folding laundry in his tighty whities. Some AP highlights:

"... While other defendants appeared frightened and exhausted, Saddam swaggered confidently to his seat, greeting people along the way with the traditional Arabic greeting, 'Peace be upon the people of peace' as he cradled a copy of the Quran."

What a drama queen. Has the secular Sunni found Allah in jail?

"Saddam began with a verse from the Muslim holy book that reminds believers who aspire for heaven that God knows who actually participated in jihad, or holy war."

No, he hasn't found Allah. Just wants to incite civil war.

"He then complained that he had to walk up four flights of stairs in shackles and accompanied by 'foreign guards' because the elevator was not working."

He sits in a cell eating Doritos all day. What's a little exercise?

"The chief judge, Rizgar Mohammed Amin, said he would tell the police not to let that happen again.

'You are the chief judge,' Saddam snapped back, speaking like a president to a subordinate. 'I don't want you to tell them. I want you to order them. They are in our country. You have the sovereignty. You are Iraqi and they are foreigners and occupiers. They are invaders. You should order them.'"

Remember when Saddam was pulled out of the hole, and the U.S. proceeded with DNA tests to prove that he wasn't one of many body doubles? They didn't need to. All Saddam had to do was open his big mouth. Identity confirmed.

"Saddam also complained that some of his papers had been taken from him.

'How can a defendant defend himself if his pen was taken? Saddam Hussein's pen and papers were taken. I don't mean a white paper. There are papers downstairs that include my remarks in which I express my opinion,' he said."

This is my favorite quote: The third-person reference to himself in bitching over his pen. It reminds me of the "Saturday Night Live" skit where Bob Dole was on MTV's "The Real World"... "This is Bob Dole's chair! This is Bob Dole's peanut butter!"

Another reason to put the trial on American TV -- and I'd be happy to do play-by-play -- is so Ramsey Clark can be front and center as a bigger scumbag than Mark Geragos.

"... Clark, who was attorney general under President Lyndon B. Johnson, is a staunch anti-war advocate who met with Saddam days before the 2003 invasion. He has also consulted several times with one-time Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic, who is on trial in The Hague, Netherlands, on war crimes charges."

Anti-war, but apparently not anti-genocide!

Heads and tales

The highlights and lowlights of the headlines for November 29, 2005:

• Canadian Government Falls on No-Confidence Vote, AP -- The Canadian government is toppled and no one really cares. As Trey Parker once said, "Are they even a real country?"
• Teen With Peanut Allergy Dies After Kiss, AP -- Ouch! The only kissing danger when I was in school was a girl and boy accidentally locking braces.
• Al-Qaida hits out at Al-Zarqawi's family, Gulf News -- Slightly misleading headline: Al Qaida in Iraq, Zarqawi's offshoot, criticized the terrorist's family in a statement. So basically it was Zarqawi ripping on his family because they disowned him.
• The most PC job ever, Sun UK -- "Health chiefs have sparked controversy by planning to create a post of 'learning disabilities tsar' -- who must have learning disabilities."
• E! to Air 'The Simple Life,' AP -- Good, an outlet for my secret addiction.
• Andrews: Diaz Would Be Perfect As Maria, AP -- Cameron Diaz in "The Sound of Music"? What else, Orlando Bloom as Capt. Von Trapp? That is wrong on so many levels.

In a Cameron Diaz/Orlando Bloom "Sound of Music" remake, would the seven children instead be a boy band?

Tookie Williams: Master of manipulation?

Last night while researching a column (hint hint) I read "The Tookie Williams Protocol for Peace" and other documents on the Web site set up by the death row inmate's supporters. The protocol, you may be pleased to remember, is the gang truce blueprint that Williams' groupies have hailed as one of the reasons why he should not be executed Dec. 13, as well as the children's books he's written and his impact on youth.

Williams' words are quite revealing. First, from the introduction for the "Protocol for Peace":

"The approach to resolving an epidemic begins with understanding the origins of it, the causes and effects. To broach this issue I draw on my life and gang experience as the co-founder of the infamous Crips. I grew up in South Central Los Angeles amidst poverty, street gangs, pimps, prostitutes, police tyranny, illegal drugs, criminality, and other social injustices. Here was a social vacuum without paternal guidance, without career-oriented programs, and without a nurturing village or community to support the male rite of passage toward becoming a responsible adult. Violence, gangs and street level socioeconomic crimes (selling drugs, robbery, prostitution and theft) were -- and continue to be -- direct results of living in these conditions."

Williams mentions his "experience as the co-founder of the infamous Crips" rather gently, like a job resume, then launches into the excuses: My neighborhood sucked. It's the cops' fault. It's social injustice. Never mind that Larry Elder, born and raised in South Central, didn't "turn Tookie." Five years after Williams started the Crips, Elder was graduating from Brown University. (Not to mention, the "nurturing village" part would make Hillary Clinton proud...)

"This social vacuum has spawned urban nihilists like the Crips, the Bloods, and many other street gangs."

Note the key omission there: I started the Crips. My founding of the Crips spawned creation of the Bloods. It's like he's a third-person narrator observing the scene from above, instead of being the main character, instigator, antagonist. Not to mention, he blames social ills again. And again...

"... The absence of basic access to affordable housing, health care, quality education, secure employment and other necessities produces social instability. Any efforts to establish a peace policy will be doomed unless there is tangible social progress. Peace cannot be sustained without it! Poverty, racism and hopelessness foster an environment that supports the growth of toxic conditions."

Actually, housing is affordable in South Central because he helped turn it into such a crappy neighborhood that no one wants to live or raise kids there. And there is "access" to all the things he mentions there in the county's vast social services network (albeit an overstressed network in part due to illegal immigration). But where is the personal responsibility? "Tangible social progress" cannot exist without it. If you teach a community that peace is not possible without all provided by the nanny state, what happens the day that the state is not there (i.e. a disaster, i.e. real life) -- all mores go out the window and "Lord of the Flies" ensues?

There's more. In Williams' "Letter to Incarcerated Youth No. 2," he draws master-slave parallels to prison:

"... In the matter of the master-slave concept, there are commonalities between a guard as master and a prisoner as slave.      

Similarity between the guard’s role and the master’s role can be found in the guard’s absolute power to control the prisoner. This control is carried out by enforcing rules on the prisoner; closely watching the prisoner to ensure         compliance with those rules; punishing, abusing and, if need be, eliminating the prisoner through banishment to solitary confinement or through violence. 

On the other hand, the resemblance of the prisoner to the slave is that both are subjected to strict rules, confined like animals, controlled, often brutalized physically as well as psychologically, and deprived of basic human rights."

Note the victimization complex, which can be seen in other interviews where he claims to be a victim of the justice system, society, etc. Is this seriously what he's teaching kids -- drawing a master-slave parallel between guards and inmates that insults the legacy of early American slaves who had committed no crime? Is this what he earns plaudits for?

After reading these and other Tookie writings -- and reading between lines -- it leaves little doubt that he's used the same skills of manipulation that made him a successful gang leader to rally liberal activists to his cause.

And boy, has he roped in the left wing: On Nov. 18, Williams' spokeswoman, Barbara Becnel, rallied with Cindy Sheehan, the Green Party's Peter Camejo and Todd Chretien of the International Socialist Organization at UC Berkeley. If you're known by the company you keep...

French poll: Le Worm is useless

Congratulations to Jacques Chirac -- his inefficiency rating among his constituents now matches his age!! From the Daily Telegraph:

"Jacques Chirac's presidency hit a new low yesterday when a poll revealed that most voters think he now has little or no influence over events at home or abroad.

Of those polled, 72 per cent regarded the influence of their president - who turns 73 tomorrow - over what happens in France as 'weak'.

Two thirds said his clout on the world stage was feeble, while only 36 per cent thought he held any significant sway over European politics.

... The poll, conducted for Le Parisien newspaper by the CSA institute, was all the more humiliating in that the opinion of supporters of Mr Chirac's conservative ruling UMP party was scarcely more favourable than those of voters on the Left. Only 43 per cent of UMP voters thought he still had a leading role to play in France."

And Happy Birthday, Jacques -- one day early.

Weathering L.A.'s cold spell

Something shocking has been rattling nerves across Los Angeles for the past two nights. The temperature has dipped below 50 degrees. How does one cope?? In a land where coats collect dust and Uggs are best worn with shorts, no one is quite prepared for the climatic onslaught (no doubt a result of global warming... in a parallel Hollywood universe).

Or perhaps the developers were really the unprepared ones. Not all of the residences here come with heat, because it's usually not needed. For some reason, though, my place is like an igloo, as it was during certain dastardly cold spells last winter. Hence I am armed with polar fleece pajamas zipped up above my chin, chenille socks, a long scarf, and plenty of blankets. And blogging, which means the heat from the desk lamp helps keep me warm, much like a heat lamp over a Fillet O'Fish at McDonald's.

I expect to hear plenty of tales of survival on the local news later today...

Heads and tales

The highlights and lowlights of the headlines for November 28, 2005:

• Some Arab leaders 'asked U.S. to hit Al-Jazeera office,' Gulf News -- Now that would be interesting! But it's only an Al-Jazeera debate-show moderator claiming so.
• 8 Nabbed in Alleged Plot Vs. Saddam Judge, AP -- Do these goobers realize that even if you take out the judge, Saddam still gets tried/hanged one way or another?
• Prison officials sack hangman, Reuters -- There's thanks for a 50-year career of hanging 850 people!
• Thailand brings 'monk stalls' to malls, AFP -- The theory is that more people go to malls than temples, so to encourage religion they'll put monks in department stores. And at those stores, orange is always in season!
• Working for 44 Years Without a Day Off, Arab News -- Yes, a Saudi employee has just retired after working 44 years straight -- no weekends, no holidays, no sick days. I'd like to see him star in an Arab version of "Office Space."
• Is that Mr. Darcy taking part in an orgy?, Daily Telegraph -- In Colin Firth's new film, he pops pills, beats up people, and partakes in a bisexual three-way. That's just wrong. I might go see the new "Pride & Prejudice" after all...

We're not in Derbyshire anymore...