GOP Vixen

The jihad on ‘Opus’: WaPo, other papers nix cartoon strips because of Islamic references

Turns out that the Washington Post Writers Group, which syndicates Berkeley Breathed’s cartoon strip “Opus,” gave client newspapers advance notice of the “close to the edge” content in which Lola Granola decided to become an Islamic radical. This after the syndicate consulted with Islamic experts to rate the level of potential offensiveness. Then, one of the papers that decided not to run the strip — which, as seen on Salon.com, was quite funny — was the Post itself. More…

World's Best Fatwa

In many Muslim countries, unrelated men and women are not supposed to be alone together at any time, which can make it difficult to work together. What to do? Well Cleric Ezzat Attiya pondered this conundrum and issued a fatwa with a unique solution, have the adult male co-worker breastfeed from the female co-worker thereby establishing a familial bond. Ezzat actually argued that a lip lock on some gal's breast would alleviate any suspicion of a sexual relationship. Is there anything a fatwa can’t do?

Now some may suspect that Ezzat is simply a blithering idiot, but since he works for "one of Sunni Islam’s most prestigious universities" I have decided he just has balls the size of Michael Moore. I mean seriously, did someone catch this guy in the closet with his secretary and the only thing he could think of to say was "fatwa"? Ezzat is now the front-runner in my fatwa of the year contest and if he ever starts a fatwa email list, sign me up!

Genocide = hot pickup spot?

I used to subscribe to Cosmo in my early twenties. Until I realized that they could write the same article about sex only so many ways, and that the "names have been changed" asterik most likely meant they made it up. But a co-worker recently dropped the November issue on my desk, and I substituted it for my weekly People magazine read (read: total brainpower boost).

There was one of the standard articles about the hottest new spots to meet guys. And one of them was the Save Darfur Campaign. That's in the Sudan, Cosmo explained to readers. Which is in Africa. If the campaign could draw George Clooney, they theorized, surely it's drawing other hot guys as well. Who says Cosmo doesn't keep up on current events (and milk their potential)?

Feds spoil kids' fun (AGAIN)

Really, what is the fun of school if you can't flirt? Or slip a note to a cute boy in class? Or do the awkward asking-to-the-dance ritual? What about that cute boy that motivates you to go to class in the first place? From AP:

"For the first time in a generation, public schools have won broad freedom to teach boys and girls separately, stirring a new debate about equality in the classroom.

The Education Department on Tuesday announced rules that will make it easier to create single-sex classes or schools, a plan that's been expected for almost three years.

The move comes as the value of same-sex education is in doubt. Research shows mixed results, as even the department's own review says.

Yet Education Secretary Margaret Spellings said more parents deserve to have the option. The push began not with the White House, but rather with female senators of both parties.

'Research shows that some students may learn better in single-sex education environments,' Spellings said, careful not to offer an outright endorsement."

So grumpy female senators and parents who live in fear of their daughters wearing nail polish now have a choice to lock the girls away from the boys. (Until after the bell rings and the girls go in search of the bad boys.) Man, I'm so glad I'm done with school.

A Constitutional Right To Be Jerks

If fascism is alive and well anywhere it is on our oh-so liberal college campuses. It's just fascism disguised as political correctness, and it's a bit scary. Isn't the campus where free speech should be the most free? Well, it is if it's liberal free speech. Colleges have become nothing more than indoctrination camps for the left. And here's another damning piece of evidence:

Four fraternity members accused of making pledges wear cowboy clothes and suffer homophobic insults in a "Brokeback Mountain"-themed initiation ritual face $1,000 fines under the state's anti-hazing law.

University of Vermont police said the civil penalties stemmed from a March 2 party at the Phi Gamma Delta house based on the movie about gay cowboys.

"What they did, which I felt was homophobic in nature, was inappropriate," UVM Police Chief Gary Margolis said.

Yeah, it was inappropriate. Yeah, it was homophobic. It was also boorish and cruel. However, it was also constitutionally protected free speech! Does anyone believe for a moment that had these pledges been dressed as Christians and similarly demeaned that anyone would've done anything? Hell, it probably would've been called "performance art" and received a government grant.

If I were gay these rules would worry me. I'd like to know who my enemy is. I'd like to know who would do such a thing. One of the great benefits of free speech is that bigoted assholes expose themselves.

So Comedy Central DID censor Muhammad on 'South Park'...

Before blogging on "Cartoon Wars Part II," I was holding out to see if there would be some official comment on one scene of "South Park's" latest episode: a scene blacked out, noting that Comedy Central would not allow a cartoon Muhammad to be shown. Bloggers were musing last night whether Trey Parker and Matt Stone threw that in to needle Comedy Central, or whether the network clamped down on the dynamic duo. Reports the AP:

"... In an elaborately constructed two-part episode of their Peabody Award-winning cartoon, 'South Park' creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker intended to comment on the controversy created by a Danish newspaper's publishing of caricatures of Muhammad. Muslims consider any physical representation of their prophet to be blasphemous.

... Parker and Stone were angered when told by Comedy Central several weeks ago that they could not run an image of Muhammad, according to a person close to the show who didn't want to be identified because of the issue's sensitivity.

The network's decision was made over concerns for public safety, the person said.

Comedy Central said in a statement issued Thursday: 'In light of recent world events, we feel we made the right decision.' Its executives would not comment further."

So when they ended the first episode with the question "Will Comedy Central puss out?" I guess they already knew the answer. Highlights of part deux included a White House press conference where reporters were convinced the First Amendment was a figment of Bush's imagination, Osama bin Laden calling "Family Guy" writing "totally gay," the Cartman-Kyle slap fight, and the Terrence and Phillip opening -- an ode to when they previously broke apart a two-parter with an episode solely featuring the flatulent Canadians.

It's official: 'South Park' will save the world

Let's do a quick recap of "South Park," Season 10 thus far: First, Trey Parker and Matt Stone addressed the departure of Chef and Scientology issues by putting the character in a child-molesting "Super Adventure Club." Then, the town went nuts driving hybrid vehicles and George Clooney's Oscar speech helped ignite a deadly smug storm. I've taken to watching episodes with my reporter's notebook and pen in hand, seriously.

Last night's episode, though, was the big enchilada. The mother of all episodes. The entrance into territory that no one else has the guts to cross. And it was a complete surprise: The South Park Studios Web site had promoted the episode as such:

"Cartman and Kyle are at war over the popular cartoon, 'Family Guy.' Kyle loves 'Family Guy' and hates Cartman. The two boys embark upon a mad chase across the country and the fate of 'Family Guy' lies with the first boy to reach Hollywood."

Boy, was that just skimming the surface! What the show really did was tackle the flack over the Muhammad cartoons in a stroke of bloody genius.

Here's what happened:

The show opened with all of the townspeople scrambling with food and supplies for the community center, and the kids don't know why. Once they're all safely locked inside, it's announced that they're cowering together overnight because they're showing "that cartoon" on TV: an episode of "The Family Guy" that featured Muhammad. Stan's dad announces that ever since that thing in Denmark, "Nobody shows a cartoon of Muhammad anymore!"

The show breaks to clips of real riot footage from Muslim protesters, burning American flags, etc. Then there's a statement from Ayman al-Zawahri -- real footage with Arabic TV captions, and "South Park"-added subtitle translations. Al-Zawahri says he's "super pissed" and it's "not even that good a cartoon." He then declares "a jihad on 'Family Guy'."

The next morning, the town thinks they're still alive because Fox censored the image of Muhammad at the last minute. The kids watch the TiVo'd version of the cartoon at Kyle's house, and Kyle's dad smashes the TV with a baseball bat. Cartman, to the surprise of everyone, starts talking about how they need to be more sensitive to Muslims and not offend religion.

Back at school, the children must take mandatory Muslim sensitivity training. Mr. Garrison says he'll explain why we can never show pictures of Muhammad, and Kyle interjects, saying, "No, Muslims aren't allowed to show pictures of Muhammad!" Mr. Garrison "explains" Muslim nations as not being able to have sex and living in sand. And then, the teacher continues, some cartoon comes along from "a country where people are getting laid" and they get jealous and mad.

The kids are called into a school assembly. It is announced that Fox plans to air Part 2 of "The Family Guy" episode uncensored, because the show's writers have stood up for free speech. More clips of riots are shown, and another al-Zawahri message: "Seriously, 'Family Guy' isn't even well written." He threatens retaliation. Cartman says they should try to get the episode pulled; Kyle disagrees and says it's writers standing up for free speech. Then Kyle has a dream that terrorists attack, and agrees to help Cartman. Since all airports are closed and bus lines shut down, they set off on their big-wheel trikes toward L.A.

Officials visit "South Park" to suggest that they may be spared the brunt of Islamic retaliation if they disavow any responsibility for the episode and make it impossible to watch the episode. He outlines a plan to truck in tons of sand so that everyone, using a snorkel for air, can bury their head in the sand in time for the airing of the episode. One townsperson advocates standing up for free speech, but Stan's dad says, "I like the sand idea." Everyone else agrees, and the sand is trucked in.

On the way to L.A., Cartman reveals that he really just wants "Family Guy" pulled off the air because he thinks the show sucks. He and Kyle fight and race down the highway. Meanwhile, "South Park" residents have buried their heads in sand. In Los Angeles, Bush, Condi and entourage meet with the president of Fox to try to defuse the situation.

Next week is the sequel, in which a shocking secret about the "Family Guy" writing staff is to be revealed (are they all Danish?). Also, the entire nation takes "South Park's" lead and buries heads in sand. In promoting next week's shocking conclusion, Parker and Stone ended with, "Will TV executives fight against censorship, or will Comedy Central puss out?"

What makes this even better is yesterday's announcement that "South Park" won a Peabody Award. From AP:

"Comedy Central's 'South Park' won its first Peabody Award on Wednesday, winning praise from judges as TV's boldest, most politically incorrect satirical series.

'South Park' was praised as a show that 'pushes all the buttons, turns up the heat and shatters every taboo,' Peabody Awards Director Horace Newcomb said. 'Through that process of offending it reminds us of the need for being tolerant.'"

The last line just cracks me up -- I mean, imagine Cartman saying that. Or imagine Horace repeating it after last night's episode!

When French buy U.S. companies

GOP Vixen has the exclusive scoop on what the streets of Murray Hill, N.J., look like since French company Alcatel acquired that city's Lucent Techologies Inc.:

They learn fast, eh? Police would have responded, but they just switched to 35-hour workweeks.

(Where's they get all those Peugeots?)

A confession to readers

This may come as a shock to some. Many, actually. But I can only hold in this secret for so long. It seems that I have become a Democrat. All right, all right, a liberal. Fine, a leftist! It's just that progressives are, like, so progressive. I feel like driving a Volvo to Whole Foods market and buying soy, then getting together with George Clooney and Alec Baldwin to discuss how evil the right is, then grabbing a foreign flag to go protest the establishment. Finally, I am truly liberated!!

And one more thing... APRIL FOOL'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

French protest having to work

I've never gotten the point of labor strikes. Here the workers are trying to tell the employer/government that they're the best workers ever and worth more money/benefits/vacation/et al, then they stand around in the street all day. I will prove I'm a worthy worker by not working! This, of course, tends to backfire, as we saw in the Southern California grocery strikes a couple of years back: It wasn't very hard for stores to hire new workers and train them to scan Cheerios.

Basically in France, a million are protesting (take that, U.S. immigration demonstrators!) because they think employers shouldn't be able to fire them. Add having to do good work to their grueling 35-hour workweek, month or two vacation... err, it's a bitch!

But The People's Cube says it better than I could:

"The new 'must work for money' rule, introduced by the French government, has precipitated huge street demonstrations in Paris, as student and labor leaders rise against the specter of capitalism, worried that its emphasis on hard work and personal responsibility will ruin their most cherished cultural values of government dependency. At the famed Sorbonne University, protesters vandalized cars, bus shelters, and shops, including a McDonald's restaurant. Rioters, crying 'Vive la Révolution,' absconded with a statue of Ronald McDonald and later beheaded it with a makeshift guillotine.

'The new jobs contract is a slap in the face to our youth,' an indignant student activist told us as he filled an empty wine bottle with gasoline to make a Molotov cocktail. 'Every French child grows up dreaming that the government will give him a non-demanding job that'll pay for his future spacious apartment, month-long vacations, and dinners at Maxim. Now our dreams are shattered! Who can blame us for being angry? I'd like to look that person in the eye and torch his car.'

... Most French intellectuals agree that the 'work for your money' rule is an insult to French culture, claiming that the very survival of the legendary French work ethic may be at stake. 'More work, personal responsibility, and efficiency are all dangerous signs of encroaching Americanization,' says the head of the philosophical department of the French Academy of Sciences. 'We are happy to see so many young people today in the streets, willing to defend our traditional way of life based on idleness, arrogance, and corruption.'

Labor Unions maintain that the new law erodes the worker's right to attend nail salons, keep trysts with mistresses, and sit in cafes drinking coffee during work hours. 'If our government and employers think they can force us to earn our pay, we'll teach them a lesson they won't forget,' says UNEF leader Bruno Julliard. 'First, we'll call for a national day of strikes on March 28. Then we will surrender to Belgium. The Belgians have better labor laws, and many also speak French, which makes them the next most civilized country on earth.'

Economists argue that, in terms of labor productivity, a national strike in France would be indistinguishable from a regular work day. ..."

Read the whole thing -- oui!