GOP Vixen

Instant Global Cooling

Global warming fanatics got both good and bad news in the past week. The bad news is that NASA's Goddard Institute has quietly, ahem, "adjusted" some its temperatures which now show Al Gore’s claim that nine of ten hottest years on record has occurred in the last ten years is crap. In the last hundred years, the hottest years are now 1934, 1998, and 1921 respectively. Global warmers were quick to poo poo the new numbers even though they sure made a big deal out of them when they thought the numbers backed them up. Can’t blame Al too much for this one though, he may have invented the internet but he’s no temperature reading rocket scientist.

The good news for warming worshipers is that they can now blame earthquakes, volcanoes, landslides and tsunamis on man’s conspiracy to kill the planet. Melting ice caps and rising seas, too much and too little rain, hurricanes (even though we have seen fewer), and even snow has been blamed on global warming. I thought at least they could not blame earthquakes on global warming, but I was wrong. I just wonder how long it will be before erectile dysfunction, teenage acne, and obesity will be blamed on global warming. On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t give them any ideas.

Tastes Like Commie Chicken

What do you do if you have a surplus of rats? If you’re Chinese, you figure out a way to sell them to folks in the next province as an "exotic" dish. One thing they worry about is rats spreading disease but I suppose if you give them a whirl in the wok, slap a little teriyaki sauce on them, your good to go! They are even providing rat recipes which make me wonder if there is some Chinese equivalent to Bubba Blue; rat kabob, rat scampi, rat al la king, …

This just begs the question of how the hell we can have such a huge trade deficit with these folks, especially since so much of the stuff they sell us is tainted. You would think that George Forman could bring down that deficit with some kind of rodent rotisserie or something. I can hear him know, "It’ll knock the fat right off that rat."

Well at least we know where Farfour ended up.

Barbara Does Hugo

In case you missed Barbra Walters’ drooling interview with Hugo Chavez here’s a link to part of the interview. This interview was an exclusive since El Hefe does not grant interviews very often. So why would Hugo grant Babs an interview? Maybe it’s because she asked him hard-hitting questions like, "You, Mr. President, do not have the best reputation in our country; you know that yourself. What’s the biggest misconception about you?" She also showed clips of poor folks in both Venezuela and the U.S. saying that Hugo is a great guy and she was able to find out that he drinks no fewer than 26 cups of coffee a day. Watching the interview I not only learned that my gag reflex is working just fine, but I also learned that Barbara Walters is not exclusively Rosie O’Donnell’s sycophantic lackey.

Headline of the day

From Pravda... and considering the globally televised Oscars this past week, I swear I thought something totally different when I first read it:

Gore and sex on Russian TV undermine morals and family values

Heads and tales

The return of our news recap feature!!!

The highlights and lowlights of the headlines for February 2, 2007:

• Global warming 'likely' man-made, unstoppable (Associated Press) -- Al Gore rubs his hands and licks his lips at the timing of the conference coinciding with Oscar voting...
• Clinton wants talks with Iran (Reuters) -- Ahmadinejad falls to floor clutching sides, laughing...
• Sharpton takes Biden to task on remarks (Associated Press) -- And that, Joe, is the punishment for sticking your feet in your mouth.
• S.F. mayor apologizes for affair (Associated Press) -- I think Kimberly Guillfoyle should do a Fox News special on Newsom screwing his campaign manager's wife.
• Turki meets Bush (Arab News) -- I thought Cindy Sheehan already met with Bush (ba-duhm!)
• Oman Muscat Festival sees record number of visitors (Gulf News) -- Muscat Susie, Muscat Sam, do the jitterbug out in muscat land...
• We better have a good reason for terror raids (Daily Mirror) -- Yeah, TERROR.

Among the top ten reasons for terror raids...

Free association

... on events of the day:

• Ted Haggard: "Just a massage"? Yeah, that's right up there with "didn't inhale."
• John Kerry: Waiting for him to admit that his 2004 presidential campaign was just a "botched joke."
• Daniel Ortega: May a giant hole open in the Nicaraguan earth and suck him away to Caracas to live the rest of his Sandinista days waving palm fronds at Chavez and misting him with Evian.
• Saddam verdict: Should be better than the Rodney King riots!
• George Allen: Please, please, please don't run for president.
• Heather Mills: Has not yet gotten a leg up on Paul McCartney.

Catching up on blogging

And the easiest way to do that is with some free association:

• North Korea: Close to being fried chicken
• Kim Jong Il: Should soon be eating Cup-o-Noodles
• Ban Ki-moon: As big of a wuss as Kofi Annan
• Pope canonizes new saints: Sorry, Kofi, you're not one of 'em
• Mark Foley: Destined to become a substitute teacher at John Mark Karr's old school
• Gerry Studds: Speaking of legislators and teen congressional pages...
• Congressional elections: Kim may beat Foley for being foremost in voters' minds
• Iraq sectarian violence: Can anybody serious tell a Shiite from a Sunni on the street?
• Madonna adoption: Someone save that kid quick

And the headline everybody's dying to click on (from Reuters):

Disney says 'non' to Mouse orgy

 

Heads and tales

The highlights and lowlights of the headlines for March 27, 2006:

• Afghan Court Drops Christian Convert Case, AP -- In case you weren't aware, "problems with the prosecutors' evidence" roughly translates to "threatened by the U.S."
• Hamas to present cabinet on eve of Israel vote, Reuters -- Also known as "Meet the F*#kers."
• Pet food good for you, Sun UK -- Study shows can of vittles are better for you than fast food. But the best part is the end of the story: "Have you lived on dog food? Call the Sun..." Damn, I love British tabloids!!
• UN rules out force to disarm Hezbollah, Reuters -- "UN rules out force..." -- fill in the blank!
• FEMA to Prep Gulf Coast for Hurricanes, AP -- OK, I can't resist:

"You're doing a helluva job..."

Heads and tales

The highlights and lowlights of the headlines for March 20, 2006:

• Tropical Cyclone Hits Northeast Australia, AP -- Kanye West is heard saying John Howard doesn't care about aborigines
• Hong Kong pollution leaves tourists choking, AFP -- I dare them to try to choke a smog-conditioned Angeleno...
• Blake Works As Ranch Hand, Plans Comeback, AP -- That's a great idea: Maybe he can shoot a season of "The Surreal Life" with OJ and Phil Spector.
• Human nose turns out to be absolutely useless organ which only causes trouble, Pravda -- They're only saying it's useless because vodka is odorless.
• Palestinian Gunmen Take Over Power Plant, AP -- Are they prepared to respond to outages?

They'll be checking your fuse boxes today...

Great Pravda headlines!

Pravda is usually at least mildly entertaining, but today they've got some zingers:

Throwing in the towel: There is no solution to the conflict between Israel and Palestine

Raging and fuming is serious stuff: The White House is ready to rage and fume against Belarus

The "they wish" headline: Is the USA on the brink of economic crisis?

Creative use of irony: Russia ironically criticizes freedom of speech in USA

Either a news story or plot of "Mummy" movie: Raiders of Egyptian pyramids die mysterious deaths as they shatter pharaohs’ peace

Fun with crafts: Is it possible to make an A-bomb at home?